The Breath Of Kindness

"Oh, the comfort —
the inexpressible comfort of feeling safe with a person —
having neither to weigh thoughts nor measure words,
but pouring them all right out,
just as they are,
chaff and grain together;
certain that a faithful hand will take and sift them,
keep what is worth keeping,
and then with the breath of kindness blow the rest away."

- George Eliot

I read this quote recently on Facebook, and it struck such a chord in me that I tagged my dear friends who are the embodiment of this kindness towards me. But I don't want to write about friendship here. No, the kindness mentioned in the quote is what resonated in my soul.

The oft talked about emotion is love, and I've experienced how heady it feels to be 'in love'. It literally sweeps you off your feet and carries you away in a hurricane of hormones. But after the storm, our life is taken over by a dull and drab everyday life. You literally feel dumped back on the ground. It feels as though all the glamour and glitter of love is gone. That is the point where we begin questioning our 'love'. 

Two adult individuals with their own separate personas and quirks thrown together day in and day out, compelled to make space for the other, learning to let go of some of the whims for the fancies of the other, tolerating the inadequacies and imperfections of one another - is a near-impossible task.

And therein comes the fine thread that holds them together - kindness.

Any number of research articles have been written about the beneficial effects of random acts of kindness. Kindness helps reduce stress, improves mental health and generally increases happiness. Our bodies are so wired that happiness leads to kindness and kindness to happiness.

 But it is easy to perform random acts of kindness. You don't know the other person and you have no negative emotions toward him. Unlike your spouse who annoys you every single morning by throwing his/her wet towel on the bed, forgets to wish you on your birthday, takes an inexorable amount of time getting dressed or loses all your hard-earned money on a lousy investment.

What I want to emphasize here is about a different kind of kindness. Kindness to your spouse or partner. Kindness is what lets you eventually forget your anger at your spouse's forgetfulness or carelessness. Kindness makes you accept your loved one's mistakes. It reminds you to soften your words even when you do feel compelled to criticize your partner. It drives you to lighten your burdens with a hug even when your life is royally messed up. Kindness to your partner is nothing but the strong yet unseen foundation to your building of love. You don't see it, don't realize its importance, but there it is, every single moment of every single day. And without it, the building will wobble and fall.

And finally, the most difficult form of kindness - kindness to yourself. The effect of all the emotional baggage we carry can make us very bitter towards ourselves. Bitter and unforgiving. Especially when we are reminded everyday that we can't go back and correct our mistakes, or make different choices, and especially when those mistakes and choices have hurt the ones we love. Sometimes the pain of the reliving the mistakes a million times over in our minds far exceeds that caused by the actual mistake. There is only one way - the way forward. We need to forgive ourselves and move forward. 

Kindness is just a gentle reminder that we are all human. To err is human; to forgive is kindness.

P.S.: I'm giving a few links here for those who might be interested to read a bit more about kindness to strangers -

http://www.honeyfoundation.org/learn/research-info/
http://www.huffingtonpost.com/news/kindness-studies/
http://www.huffingtonpost.com/entry/random-acts-of-kindness_b_3412718.html?section=india

Everyone Has A Rainbow

I grew up thinking that rainbows are rare, precious things in the sky with seven vibrant colours, and if you followed them, you would find a pot full of gold coins at the end. And I felt awed that the world could have such wondrous delights.

Of course, I grew up. I became a new Me. I became colour-blind.

I could see only black or white. The million hues were all lost in my search for the pot of gold. The rainbow lost its lustre, and was nothing more than a mirage now.

It took me nearly ten years of disillusionment to realize that the rainbow's colours are in our minds. The pot of gold at the end is nothing but the satisfaction of leading a fulfilling life everyday. I had felt I was alone in my suffering. Believe me, to suffer alone is always worse than sharing the same miserable fate as others. Though that may sound weird, I feel that is my truth now. It also occurred to me that everyone suffers alone because they think that such misery doesn't befall others. But it does.

Everyone has a rainbow. Everyone is in search of the pot of gold. Some enjoy the chase, some don't see the rainbow at all because they are too busy looking for the gold. And I believe it helps to remember that it takes both rain and sunshine to create the miracle that is a rainbow.

We are all a lot more alike than we would like to accept. So I wanted to share in this blog my own experiences with colour, hoping it would brighten someone's life somewhere.

So here's hoping that each moment be an eternity of happiness, and each era of sorrow but a passing cloud.